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Battleship Pizza Might Be The Greatest Pizza Game Ever Invented

By: Grant Marek

As Forrest Gump once said, "Life is like a box of pizza... taped to another box of pizza... and turned into a Battleship board where you have to eat a bunch of red chili pepper flakes if someone hits your Submarine."

Couldn't have said it better ourselves.

So how 'bout you order two large pizzas, ask the pizza dude (super nicely) for 28 crushed red pepper packets, and let's play some Battleship Pizza, shall we? Here's how it works:

1. Build your Battleship Pizza board

Set up across the table from your opponent, open your boxes, tape them together where they meet at the top, and slide the pizzas out of the boxes.


2. Draw your game grid

You need 81 boxes total (9x9), then put 1-to-9 down the left side and CATVIDEOS (obviously) across the top. Now duplicate the same 9x9 on the vertical part of your box (so you can keep track of your hits and misses on your opponent's board).


3. Whip out those crushed red peppers

You should have 14 packets for each side, enough for an Aircraft Carrier (5), a Battleship (4), a Submarine (3), and a Patrol Boat (2). Lay those out on the grid in front of you wherever you want.



You take turns calling out spaces (V8! D2! C9!), if you land a hit on one of your opponent's ships, they have to open that bag of crushed red peppers, put the entire packet on the end of one of their pizza slices, and down some pizza and the entire red pepper pile in a single bite. First person to sink all of the other guys' ships OR make him cry wins.


Triple bonus points if you make your opponent this sweaty: