New Popular MYSTERY
Images courtesy of Creature Craft - Chubbies Friday At Five Images courtesy of Creature Craft

If You're Gonna Float a River, Float It In An Unflippable Raft

By: Garrett Payne

You remember in Starfox N64, where if you double tapped the ole Z-button, Peppy Hare would yell "DO A BARREL ROLL"?

Well, Creature Craft let's you pull off the real life version of that.

Except there is no Z button, you're flying down whitewater rapids, and your best friend isn't a rabbit.

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Invented by Darren Vancil in 1997, the Creafture Craft is an unflippable raft that, ok, ok, ok, CAN flip, but will never STAY flipped -- it's basically a self-righting inflatable vessel that provides an extra bit of safety for whitewater rafters. Custom built at the Creature Craft facility in Grand Junction, CO, these rafts feature a roll cage design that 1) aides in protection from rocks, rapids, and other obsticles, 2) keeps you upright even after sending it down 50ft waterfalls, and 3) forever puts a stop to that one dude who always tries to flip your raft when you're casually floating down the river with a sixer of cold ones.

Other details you'll probably just gloss over: The crafts are made from STS Process PVC fabric with an epoxy urethane protective coating, weigh around 155-285 lbs without equipment, and utilize a patented thigh-strap system to keep you seated when you do flip.

BMside1000_b 2.jpgThe raddest part though? The Creature Craft accelerates the learning curve for how to handle whitewater rapids -- after gettting some lessons on basic craft control you'll soon be able to do back-flips, barrel rolls, endos, pirouettes, and triple lutz salchows.

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"But how much does it cost, mate," Crocodile Dundee asks while trimming his nails with a steak knife.

"It'll run you anywhere from $5,000 to $18,000 and they come in a variety of sizes, colors, and experience levels, and wow that's a big knife," we respond.

"That's not a knife," he replies while pulling a large bowie knife out of his sock. "THIS is a knife."