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You Can Cook Thanksgiving Dinner in the Dishwasher

By: Garrett Payne

Wanna give the oven a break this Thanksgiving?

Or just not wait for Aunt Karen's green bean casserole-that-goes-bad-every-year-'cause-no-one-likes-it to finish cooking?

Why not give cooking stuff in the dishwasher a try?

"Hold up, I think you accidentally just said dishwasher, but I'm pretty sure you meant, like, microwave or something," Jake the Snake said in between deadlifts.

"Nope, Mr. Snake," we replied. "We meant dishwasher."

Think of your dishwasher as a giant slow cooking poaching machine.

And then think of a Thanksgiving dinner you'd wanna try cooking inside of it.

You want to get turkey parts, not a whole turkey (or get a whole turkey and slice and dice it into turkey parts). The best thing to use is just turkey breast. Lightly coat them in olive oil and add your preferred seasoning. Put them in an oven bag and then wrap in oven safe plastic wrap and place on the top rack of the dishwasher. You will want to run the dishwasher, with no soap, for one cycle on the highest temperature setting possible. Most dishwashers heat to around 140 to 145˚F on the lightest setting, so CRANK THEM UP.

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While the first cycle of the turkey is running grab some airtight sealable jars and add ¼ lb of whatever vegetable you want, with 1 cup of water, some seasoning, and a little bit of butter to a jar then close it up. Do this for however many vegetables you are wanting to eat. If you're doing potatoes (you better be doing potatoes) make sure to cut them up really small so you can mash them later.

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After the first cycle is done, add all the jars of sides to the top rack alongside the turkey, then run for an additional two cycles.

Remember everything will be hot when the washing cycles are finished so don't grab anything right out of the dishwasher with your bare hands.

After the turkey has completed 3 cycles unwrap it and then -- if you can convince Karen to get her crap out of the oven -- broil it for a couple of minutes to crisp it up.

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Now, enjoy.

"I will," Jake the Snake said. "I will."